“I would, but cannot sing.
I would, but cannot pray.
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away.
I would, but can’t repent,
Though I endeavor often.
This stony heart can never relent
Till Jesus makes it soft.
I would, but cannot love,
Though wooed by love Divine.
No arguments have power to move
A soul so base as mine.
I would, but cannot rest
In God’s most holy will.
I know what He appoints is best,
Yet murmur at it still.
O could I but believe!
Then all would easy be.
I would, but cannot—Lord, relieve—
My help must come from You!”

I cannot do what I would. I would leave sin, but still I fall into it. I would lay hold on Christ, but I cannot. Then comes
the question — Can God do it? And we answer, He who made the heavens and the earth without a helper, can certainly
save you when you can not help yourself.

- John Newton -

Jesus’ way was so much dark, filled with agony, yet he endured, for what? For the joy that was set before him. Hebrews 12:2. “Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame“

Did Jesus, the King of Heaven, The Creator of all the Earth, The Mighty God, and above all the Savior of my soul and my Shepherd, leave heaven and its glories and come down and suffer and never complain? And shall I, a sinner of the worst kind, an infidel in the eyes of God, a nobody, complain to God about my sufferings?

Why should I complain of want or distress,
Temptation or pain? He told me no less:
The heirs of salvation, I know from His Word,
Through much tribulation must follow their Lord.

- John Newton -

Shall the disciple be above his Master, and the servant above his Lord? Matthew 10:24, Luke 6:40.

Come! art thou ashamed to suffer what thy Master suffered? Shall the disciple be above his Master, and the servant above his Lord? Shall he die upon a cross, and wilt not thou bear the cross? Must he be crowned with thorns, and shalt thou be crowned with laurel? Is he to be pierced in hands and feet, and are thy members to feel no pain? O cast away the fond delusion I pray thee, and look to him who “endured the cross, despising the shame,” and be ready to endure and to suffer even as he did.

- Spurgeon –

A loving wife and mother lay dying. Her husband leaned over her, and said: “Do you know me, my darling?” “No,” said the dying woman, “I do not know who you are.” Her daughter came. “Mother, dear, surely you know me?” “No, I do not.” Then her husband tried again: “Do you know Jesus, my dear one?” “Jesus,” she said, and at the precious name the light came back into the pale face. “Jesus,” she repeated. “Yes, I know Him. He is my Shepherd, Husband, Friend,” and, even as she spoke, she passed away to be with Him for ever.

Let us never forget John Newton’s dying words. He said to Mr. Jay: “My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things — that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour.”

Begone unbelief, my Savior is near,
And for my relief will surely appear:
By prayer let me wrestle, and He wilt perform,
With Christ in the vessel, I smile at the storm.

Though dark be my way, since He is my Guide,
’Tis mine to obey, ’tis His to provide;
Though cisterns be broken, and creatures all fail,
The Word He has spoken shall surely prevail.

His love in time past forbids me to think
He’ll leave me at last in trouble to sink;
Each sweet Ebenezer I have in review,
Confirms His good pleasure to help me quite through.

Determined to save, He watched o’er my path,
When Satan’s blind slave, I sported with death;
And can He have taught me to trust in His Name,
And thus far have brought me, to put me to shame?

Why should I complain of want or distress,
Temptation or pain? He told me no less:
The heirs of salvation, I know from His Word,
Through much tribulation must follow their Lord.

How bitter that cup, no heart can conceive,
Which He drank quite up, that sinners might live!
His way was much rougher, and darker than mine;
Did Jesus thus suffer, and shall I repine?

Since all that I meet shall work for my good,
The bitter is sweet, the medicine is food;
Though painful at present, wilt cease before long,
And then, O! how pleasant, the conqueror’s song!

From Cyberhymnal :

A lady wrote from the Ci­ta­del of Cai­ro to Mr. Stead, ‘It is the hymn that I love best of the hun­dreds that I know; it has helped me scores of times in the dark days of my life, and has ne­ver failed to in­spire me with fresh hope and con­fi­dence when life looked “dark and drea­ry”; and it is dear to me from as­so­ci­a­tions with the mem­o­ry of the best of fa­thers. To him, in his ma­ny and sore troubles, it was a source of com­fort and help, and, I be­lieve, was to him a sort of link by which he held on to God. To me the words are not dog­ger­el at all, they are just love­ly. I oft­en go about sing­ing them when alone to help me on the way.’

Now Spurgeon’s own words This actually shows how foolish we are when we think our life should have been different from the way it is now and that we wish that we were like someone else, all when God has ordained things to happen in our life for a particular reason.

God in his wisdom may have made one man rich. “Ah!” says he, at night, “would God I had not all this wealth to tease my mind and worry me. I believe any peasant who toils for me has far more rest than I have.” Another who is a poor man wipes the hot sweat from his brow, and says, “O my Father, I have asked thee to give me neither poverty nor riches; but here am I so poor that I am obliged to toil incessantly for my bread, would God I could have my mercies there among the rich.” One has been born with abilities. He has improved them by education, and this improvement of his natural powers has entailed upon him fearful responsibilities, so that he has to exercise his thoughts and his brain from morning till night. Sometimes he sits down and says, “Now if I am not the most hard worked of all mortals. Those who keep a shop can shut it up; but I am open it all times, and I am always under this responsibility. What shall I do and how shall I rest myself?” Another who has to toil with his hands is thinking, “Oh! if I could lead such a gentlemanly life as that minister. He never has to work hard. He only has to think and read, of course that is not hard work. He has perhaps to sit up till twelve o’clock at night to prepare his sermon, that is not work of course. I wish I had his situation.” So we all cry out about our mercies, and want to choose our allotments. “Oh!” says one, “I have health, but I think I could do without that if I had wealth.” Another says, “I have wealth, but I could give all my gold to have good constitution.” One says, “Here am I stowed away in this dirty London; I would give anything if I could go and live in the country.” Another, who resides in the country, says, “There is no convenience here, you have to go so many miles for the doctor, and one thing and the other, I wish I dwelt in London.” So that we are none of us satisfied with our mercies. But the true Christian says, or ought to say, “Thou shalt choose my inheritance for me;” high or low, rich or poor, town or country, wealth or poverty, ability or ignorance, “Thou shalt choose my inheritance for me.”

Again, we must leave to God the choice of our employment. “Oh!” says the preacher—and I have been wicked enough to say so myself—”how would I like to have all my employment in the week that I might sit in the pew on the Sabbath and hear a sermon, and be refreshed?” I am sure I should be glad to hear a sermon; it is a long time since I heard one. But when I do attend one, it always tires me—I want to be improving on it. How would I like to sit down and have a little of the feast in God’s house myself, instead of always being the serving man in God’s household. Thank God! I can steal a crumb for myself sometimes. But then we fancy, O that I were not in that employment! O that like Jonah we might flee to Tarshish, to avoid going to that great Nineveh. Another is a Sabbath-school teacher. He says, “I would rather visit the sick than sit with those troublesome boys and girls. And then the teachers do not seem to be so friendly with me as they should be.” The Sunday-school teacher thinks he can do anything better than teach; but there is his friend who visits the sick coming down the stairs, and he says, “I could teach little children, or preach a little; but really I cannot visit the sick. There is nothing so hard, and that requires so much self-denial.” Another says, “I am a tract distributor. It is not easy work to have your tracts refused at this door, and then at another; and persons looking at you as if you came to rob them; could stand up before the congregation and speak, but I cannot do this.” And so we get selecting our employments. Ah! but we ought to say, “Thou shalt choose my inheritance for me;” and leave our employment to God. “If there were two angels in heaven,” said a good man, “supposing there were two works to be done, and one work was to rule a city, and the other to sweep a street crossing—the angels would not stop a moment to say which they would do. They would do which ever God told them to do. Gabriel would shoulder his broom and sweep the crossing cheerfully, and Michael would not be a bit prouder in taking the scepter to govern the city.” So with a Christian.

But there is nothing that we oftener want to choose than our crosses. None of us like crosses at all; but all of us think everybody else’s trials lighter than our own. Crosses we must have; but we often want to be choosing them. “Oh!” says one, “my trouble is in my family. It is the worst cross in the world—my business is successful; but if I might have a cross in my business, and get rid of this cross in my family, I should not mind.” Then, my beloved hearers, in reference to your mercies, your employments, and your afflictions, say—”Lord, thou shalt choose my inheritance for me! I have been a silly child; I have often tried to meddle with my lot. Now I leave it. I cast myself on the stream of Providence, hoping to float along. I give myself up to the influence of thy will.” He that kicks and struggles in the water, they say, will be sure to sink; but he who lies still will float—so with Providence. He that struggles against it goes down; but he who resigns everything to it, will float along quietly calmly, and happily.

“I ask’d the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of his salvation know
And seek more earnestly his face.

I hop’d that in some favor’d hour
At once he’d answer my request,
And by his love’s constraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this he made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart,
And let the angry power of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

‘Lord why is this?’ I trembling cried
‘Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?’
‘Tis in this way,’ the Lord replied;
‘I answer prayer for grace and faith.’”

That is, the Lord helps us to grow downward when we are only thinking about growing upward. Let any of you try to grow in grace, and seek to run the heavenly race, and make a little progress, and you will soon find, in such a slippery road as that which we have to travel, that it is very hard to go one step forward, though remarkably easy to go a great many steps backward.

That was a part from Spurgeon’s sermon. “As thy days so shall strength be”.  The poem was written by John Newton and I really love what it says. How true it is that when we try to grow in grace the Lord shows the inner evil of our hearts so that we will run back to him. How weak we are and how much we have to lean on God.  We are as weak as water if God shall leave us alone. The older Christians get in their faith, the less they become in their own esteem, the more they feel their own weakness, and the more entirely they rely upon the strength of God.

a small country town who had not all the sense people usually have, but he had sense enough to be a great drunkard and swearer but as God would have it, he once listened to a poor woman, who was singing—

“I’m a poor sinner and nothing at all
But Jesus Christ is my all in all”

Home he went, repeating these words, he put his trust in a crucified Saviour, and was really converted. Soon Jack wanted to join the church, and although he was a pedlar, and always travelling about, he said, “I want to join your church.” They, remembering his sinful way of life, required some great evidence of a change before they received him, “O!” says he, “I must come in,” “But you have been such a great sinner, and you are unconverted,” added the elders. “Well,” said poor Jack, “I don’t know if I’m unconverted, and I confess I am a great sinner—but

“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all;
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”

They could not get from him any other testimony save this. He would only say—

“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all;
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”

They could not refuse him, and therefore accepted him for fellowship. After this he was always happy. When a Christian man said to him “But you always seem so happy and pleased, John; how is it?” “Well” said he, ” I ought to be happy, for—

“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all;
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”

“Well but,” said the gentleman, “I can’t see how you can be always so happy and sure. I sometimes lose my evidences.” “I don’t,” said Jack,

” I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all;
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”

“Ah,” said a friend, “I am at times miserable because I remember my sad sinfulness even since conversion.” “Ah!” said Jack, “you have not begun to sing,

“I’m a poor sinner, and nothing at all.
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.”

“Oh!” said the friend, “how do you get rid of your doubts and fears? My faith frequently fails, and I miss my sure hope in Christ. My frames are so variable and feelings so contrary, what do you think of that?” “Think,” said poor Jack, ” why master I have no good things to care about—

“I’m a poor sinner and nothing at all,
But Jesus Christ is my all in all.’”

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

The words become the song of my soul. I seek Refuge only on God and help from him alone. I want him to be with me and comfort me in my troubles and sadnesses..  So there is no wonder that for a christian, achild of God, the troubles of this world can be his blessings in disguise.. And when my heart is close to God I want to be more of his true child, to drive all my iniquities away and be his child in every aspect. May God grant me the strength to keep his statuetes and to walk in his way.

The Psalmist also must have thought along these lines when he said

“When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;  What is man, that thou art mindful of him?” Psalms 8.

Yet God is ready to consider us. He listens to our prayers, hears our concerns and cares. Yet we rebel against him as sinners , and still his love is there for us and he cares and chastens us. How much we should love our God for these great mercies.

I am forever thankful to God for having saved me out of my sins, and also for continually loving me in spite of my weaknesses. I am more than glad that he listens to my prayers and I know and trust that he will perfect me in my faith in the end!

“Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. ” Jude 1:24